Hashtag trends on Twitter are a bit like an episode of Prisoner: a mixture of pathos, camp, genuine emotion and absolute rubbish.
When I saw #WhatHurtsMeTheMost trending in Australia last night, I had to click to see what people were saying. What interested me was how many times the same themes recurred. Here are five that stirred something in me.
#WhatHurtsMeTheMost when someone makes you feel so so so special, but turns out they’re like that with everyone else
I was talking with friends over the weekend about the spambots that used to pop up in dating chatrooms and start a conversation with you, managing to get out two or three generic opening sentences before inviting you to some membership site to rip you off.
There are also real-life spambots. People who know how to use their charm and wiles on the vulnerable and make them feel special. Those of us naïve enough to have been taken in fall very hard when we realise that we weren’t that special after all, but simply were victims of patter.
Of course, that’s where we go wrong, and why we end up falling so hard in the first place. If you’re placing so much value on someone else making you feel special, then you are in for a difficult road in life. You have to be able to survive on your own, and as clichéd as it is to say, you have to be able to love yourself.
#WhatHurtsMeTheMost : Seeing the one you love, love someone else.
There’s a heartbreaking song on Pet Shop Boys 2006 album, ‘I Made My Excuses And Left’. It tells the story of a man at a party, and the hush and awkwardness that falls over the room when his ex walks in with a new man.
Each of you looked up, but no one said a word
I felt I should apologise for what I hadn’t heard…And clumsy as I felt at stumbling on this theft
to save further embarrassment, I made my excuses and left
Loving someone who doesn’t love you back is hard. Sometimes you can just get to a point where you think you’re past it, and something will unexpectedly get you – moments like the above. One from my past involved being out at a function and heading out to look for a friend that I had deep feelings for, only to find him kissing someone else passionately in the corner.
I quietly withdrew into a pit for a while, until I was rescued by some other friends. I never told them or anyone else what was going on. It wasn’t the right time, and I was too embarrassed. Sometimes you want to move on, but an emotional switch in your brain just won’t let you.
#WhatHurtsMeTheMost seeing someone in your family cry
My grandmother on my father’s side of the family died when I was around, maybe, ten years old. I didn’t quite understand what was going on at first, having thankfully had no experience with such things.
I remember my parents going round to her house mysteriously one morning, and I was aware of there being some vague concerns for her wellbeing. I was left with my grandparents on mother’s side, who lived next door to us. The first I heard was the phone ringing, Nana answering, and exclaiming in a shocked voice: “When did she die?”
A few days later we were at the funeral. We exited the chapel at the end, and I watched my family go to pieces, Mum and Dad included. It was the first time I’d ever seen them cry, and it wouldn’t be the last.
As a selfish child only could, I remember feeling like I’d been put on a liferaft and pushed out into the ocean. I was confused. Parents aren’t supposed to cry. They’re supposed to fix everything and make it alright.
My Aunty Colleen noticed me and came and hugged me, then I cried. I wasn’t crying because my grandmother had gone. I was crying because I realised I wasn’t alone.
#WhatHurtsMeTheMost I cant go back in time to relive the best moments of my life.
I don’t know whether the person who wrote this was being flippant or serious, but I feel very sorry for them if it’s the latter. Stephen Fry in his first autobiography “Moab Is My Washpot” talks about feeling suicidal as a teenager and writing the line “my whole life stretched out gloriously behind me”.
We can go through life thinking that our existence is like oil in the ground: that eventually we’ll reach a peak and thereafter the returns will be diminishing. But we’re not provided with a script, and have no way of knowing what is around the corner.
There are no best moments of your life, only best moments in your life thus far.
As my friend, artist Christophe Jannin, says when asked what his favourite drawing is, the best is the one I have yet to do.
#WhatHurtsMeTheMost standing on a plug
Self-explanatory. Hurts like a bitch. Don’t leave things in such a mess. It’ll always get you in the end.
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Wow. I loved this
i so loved this post & your style of expression! immensely endearing!
Some of them I could relate to….you are so right…Loved this post!
Loved it….. some of them I could relate to…..congrats for featuring into FP…
I really love your post. I can relate to your number one hate. I hate it the most too if someone will let you feel or will tell you you are the most special but then it will turn out that he/she likes somebody else. Ouch!!
Nice Post!
I really really loved this post. thank you
Reblogged this on Alittlebitkrazie's Blog and commented:
Yeah Loving someone who doesn’t feel the same way does hurt a lot.
Very simply and empathitcally put perspective
!
This is really a beautiful post. I will say, I can do a ton of what hurts me the most. I live though great childhood tragedies. Horrific events that lead to my adoption and then I was abused. The thing is, I learned a long time ago not to focus on what hurts me the most. I choose to live in love and laughter. I have seen the results of those that don’t. My sister that dwells on what hurts her the most, is the one that is lost. It is sad.
I guess I went on a soap box, but it is tough out there for everyone. I know we all need to express those emotions and embrace them at times. It seems that what you’re doing here. What bothers me is when people dwell on them and their life is centered around the.
That said, I feel like you shared a piece of yourself here and it truly touched me. I want to thank you for that.
x,
Becca
Ladyornot.com
Outstanding blog. I’m going through a break up of a 20 year marriage and can relate to everything you say in your blog. There’s nothing like the pain of being told that the last 20 years of your life meant nothing to the other person. Oh well, on to different things, change keeps you alive so they say. Thanks for the perspective.
How about “KNOWING I can’t rely on others for happiness but still feeling sad when they don’t rush up to prove my skeptisism is wrong”?
I don’t spend much time on twitter, so I’m not familiar with those tweets. I enjoyed your post and views very much. Your writing is fantastic and enjoyable to read.
Blue roses were my dads favourite flowers, after his funeral, we let some flow in our river……. Yes, let it flow.
that was a good read. we’re all just trying to make our way through this life. congrats on FP.
if it doesn’t hurt, we do not pay attention. If it doesn’t hurt, we do not grow. If it doesn’t hurt, the world stands still and doesn’t change.
Thanks for posting and letting us take a peak at who you are.
Reblogged this on Prayers of a dreamer. and commented:
Loved it!
Nice blog….congrats on being Freshly Pressed! I love your idea of incorporating the twitter hashtags trending…
We could write a whole book on what hurts the most huh? Lol. Enjoyed your blog
Pinned you. http://pinterest.com/pin/147141112796534948/ Didn’t understand “Standing on a plug. Can you explain here or on my pin.
I completey agree that we can’t lean on others to make us feel special…it has to come from within. However, it is equally important, while loving yourself, to find others to surround yourself with who can uplift you and love you for who you are. It’s a tough world out there, so any positive presence in our lives is worth hanging onto and never letting go of.
Cheers,
Courtney Hosny
very interesting. i’m unsure how i feel about people tweeting heartfelt things because generally i find it comes off as cheesey, lame or attention seeking. but this made me see things differently! thanks for sharing! x
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Great read and totally love you writing style! Kudos! x
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Oh, and congrats on being freshly pressed!
Nice one! The stuff that you can find on Twitter and the rest of the social media sites can really be interesting at different levels. There are many others where I just think that people have too much time in their hands and write whatever comes to their minds.
i love this post. awesome!
My favorite of all the freshly pressed I’ve read today. Keep it up!
mine too!
very intriging….
Nice and interesting post. Being hurt, getting hurt and hurting others are just part of life. It will always be nice to keep a positive attitude. Keep it up!
What an enjoyable blog post…. thanks!
Nice sentiments. I like your positive attitude. It’s important to be self aware and aware of how others feel and see things too.
Fantastic. I love this post.
Positively true, especially the last one-it does always get you in the end!
HA! This is awesome! There are many jewels to be found on twitter. I also liked your insightful responses to each of the #what hurts me the most. Check out my blog if you’re ever bored (please?). Congrats on the freshy preshiness
True. Very well written.
I know all about the first one. It really does hurt :/ But I really like the “you must be able to love yourself.” Never heard that before.
Reblogged this on BlackBirdSpeaks and commented:
Ever feel like something hurts? Read this.
I am an emotional teenager and reading this was a bit like a wake up call that I needed. I think I can finally accept that whatever I think hurts me ever so unbearably, isn’t really that bad.
Great post,
-BB
Best understood If you’ve been through atleast any one of them… Emotional war can be very tempting at times…! True…
just beautiful
Wow. Great and well thought out post. congrats
Reblogged this on JHENBAJENTING and commented:
#WhatHurtsMeTheMost : seeing the one you love, love someone else :’)
It’s funny that; the whole double-edged sword that is human interaction. And especially so when you sport manic inclinations: One day a person will breathe the life of God into you, the next they’ll suck ya dry!
Kudos to you for laying it all out there. I really think you’ll help a lot of people come to grips with their own demons with this.
Also, appreciate your ending with a touch of comedy. Best way to deal, I find!
Very intimate post… <3
Lol love the seriousness of this post, but also the tweet at the end.
Great post, really enjoyed this
loved it too
Not much of a twitter fan (I know, I should be). So I am not familiar with those tweets.
but pretty cool post, thanks for sharing and congrats on the FP =)
I was worried by the title purely because of the number of facebook and twitter conversations about these things, as they always end up as an excuse to slag off exes! But this post is really insightful and human. It’s made me wonder if the things that hurt us the most are what get through our emotional armour. Like, what hurts me the most is being/feeling left out of something, as even though I’m now a sociable, friendly adult, I was a weird kid from a pretty broken home and I’m not completely fixed yet. Maybe when we feel hurt by something, we need to figure out why and try to work on it bit so it doesn’t hurt quite so much the next time (unless it’s Lego/a plug). Interesting!
As true as getting hurt is true for everybody what is also true is that we hurt others too… whether with an intension or not is for another day…
Very thought-provoking post….especially the one about seeing someone you love loving someone else. That one gets me.
I would say standing on a piece of scattered lego hurts even more, but that’s just me
On a serious note, I like the ones you singled out here. I find it so difficult seeing my family cry, but at the same time I don’t want them to cry and me NOT see them to comfort them. It’s all very strange.
Ewhathurtsthemost: Finding a Lego. In the middle of the night. With your foot. ‘Nuff said.
Actually, I lie. My blog started as a means of dealing with a blindsiding, crazy-making divorce. So I’d have to say #whathurtsthemost: blindsiding betrayal. There’s nothing quite like it.
This is a beautiful post, and I’m glad to see something so thoughtful being Freshly Pressed. I have to agree about seeing family members sad — that’s also a rare form of torture.
Nice to find you on Fresh Pressed, Chris. Lovely to know that those of us BP bloggers are represented there. Also found your comments here thoughtful, clear and SANE. Blessings.
Thanks for beautifully written piece Chris. I know how you feel in some of these instances I can say its an easy feeling to see a loved one cry, it will almost set me off either into tears or anger depending on the cause itself. As for seeing someone you love in love with someone else, that one I’m learning only recently. Pains of the heart are hard to ignore and even harder to recover from.
Chris,
Thankyou for yet another awesome post and a wonderful belly laugh at the plug hash tag
Now everyone is looking at me on the train like I’m a mental case and I’m pretty sure thy doesn’t quite qualify for #whathurtsmethemost but it might for a second or two
.
Hugs and laughter mate.
Gidday Chris, very thought provoking blog mate. There is so much wisdom to be learned from this post. Thankfully it only took me Thirty years to figure this stuff out, sadly some people never will. I have an ex who was completely dependent on others for happiness and never found it. If thing weren’t perfect this person would take it as a personal insult and become distraught that I was just like all the others. I left in the end, there was no amount of argument or emotional appeal that would help her to see the light. But, I also learned that life is awesome and an absolute miracle if only we take the time to realize exactly what is awesome, no matter our lot in life. I will leave you with one of my favorite lines from Stephen R Covey, the gates of change can only be opened from within, there is no amount of argument or emotional appeal that will cause a person to change. Not the exact wording but very close I’m sure. Keep up the good work mate, Rob.
Reblogged this on lifethroughswolleneyes.
The one about changing. Just turning 50 and I look like the best is behind me. Seeing this today has made me really want to get pst that feeling. I have had a good and interesting life. And I think there is more of that to come. Thanks for the blog. It helps to put things into perspective for me.
Now that is a feel good post thanks for typing that resonates with me.