A victim meets his fate in a perversely homoerotic scene from the horror film “Hostel”.
In the horror film series “Hostel”, men and women pay sums of money for the exclusive pleasure of sadistically torturing, maiming and ultimately killing other human beings, sometimes with graphically sexual overtones.
To become a member of this brotherhood, one must sign a contract, which includes having a logo tattooed on your body to show that you are, to follow the company’s name at the heart of this depravity, an “elite hunter”.
As the cruelty is mercilessly depicted for the viewer, the question of “why” rings as loud in one’s ears as the screams of the victims.
Not “why were these films made”, because the atrocities on display can barely hope to live up to those which have been committed by one human being against another across time and probably at this very moment. The question is why would somebody want to do this?
For the various murderers we meet in the films, a number of reasons crop up: the forbidden nature of killing as pleasure, the adrenaline rush of intimately draining another’s life force, a chance to live out a fantasy, substitution of the victim for someone the murderer has been unable to confront in their real life.
The parallels between the elite hunters and members of the online social network Bareback Brotherhood (or #BBBH as seen on Twitter) are striking.
The brainchild of Mark Bentson, the Bareback Brotherhood is:
“…a social group of men around the globe from all walks of life. We agree on one thing — sex between men without barriers is natural and a legitimate choice…
Fuck more. Fear less. Regret nothing.”
Before AIDS swept through communities of gay men in the 1980s with its unstoppable scythe, condom use among gay men was not the norm. When it became apparent that the riskiest activity for acquiring HIV was via unprotected anal sex, massive behaviour change occurred in order for gay men to “fuck more” and “fear less”. A majority began to use condoms. Health organizations endorsed their use for survival.
Unsafe sex indeed became demonized, in the same way that other harm-causing behaviours such as smoking, drink-driving, speeding, driving without a seatbelt and drug use have been.
When behaviours become demonized, Bentson argues, people stop talking about them in a truthful and honest way. Or, as he puts it in his own words:
“…I do love a good debate when I can find someone with an open enough mind in which to discuss barebacking rationally. Few people will, even though when the lights are off, condoms never come out of the packages.”
One could argue with his use of the word “never”, but how else to explain the increase in HIV infections among gay men across the Western world from 2000 on? HIV infections had, in New Zealand at least, reduced to very low levels in the late 1990s, which coincided with both the invention of antiretroviral drugs and the uncomfortable reality that many of those who had been carrying the virus were dead.
Bentson is a fatalist. For him, unsafe sex is no different from smoking, drinking, recreational drugs, consumption of fast food and caffeine, speeding, or other undefined things that risk your wellbeing, and we won’t stop human beings from doing any of these things:
“A bus could kill me tomorrow. I could die of a million other things, why shouldn’t I experience intimacy I enjoy with a man? …
Everyone of us on this planet is doing stupid shit. We do it because it tastes good, it feels good, it gets us there faster, it makes us feel better, we enjoy life more…
But of all the life-risking things on this list, every single one is ultimately something you’re doing alone. Even if you’re with someone else, they’re not connected to you. There’s a disconnect. There’s no intimacy in a donut at Krispy Kreme.”
There’s also no incurable virus that destroys your immune system from the inside out. But these things don’t matter to Bentson, who would also seem from his writings to be a nihilist: choices are choices, each being risk-equivalent.
A decision to eat a donut is no different than a decision to let somebody of unknown HIV status ejaculate fluids into your body.
We all speed from time to time. And doubtless, it feels damn good to drive fast, especially on the motorway or open road. With a mate in the car and the stereo blasting, the adrenalin rush and that sense of connection is exhilarating. But would anyone respect my choices if I decided to start a social movement based around a lifestyle of consistent speeding, or the choices of those who decided to join me? Would I not be accused of, well, asking for it?
Bentson denies that barebackers are bug-chasers (people who have sex with the deliberate intent of becoming infected with HIV), although he acknowledges that they do make up a proportion of barebackers. He also denies that barebackers are mentally ill, saying that he personally “has no death wish” and does not want his “life shortened”.
How then, do we explain this?
“Truth is at least once a month, I slip off a condom or use one with a hole in it.
Stealthing is what I do. It’s how I fuck. Funny, the little Latin fucker at the gloryholes downtown no longer bothers with a condom with me because he knows I’ll take it off. He tries to predict when I will cum to avoid my load, but he can never tell.”
This seems nothing short of psychopathy.
Just as the victims in the “Hostel” film series are lured to their deaths through a honeytrap of freewheeling sex, drugs and good times; at least some of Bentson’s partners are drawn into his web through phantom definitions of “intimacy”.
And there are no shortage of stealthers and the deluded on the Bareback Brotherhood site itself. Here’s a sampling of comments from a thread entitled “What about BBing do you like?”
“Sex in any shape or form is an exchange of energy between two people and a form of intimacy. What could be more intimate than giving or taking the best of the other person. Think about it, in your cum you have your DNA, the best of you, and it is so powerfull that can create an other life!!! So taking the best of you and making it part of me is not only a pleasure but also an honor.”
“I HATE the feeling of condoms. Won’t generally fuck with them… and will try rolling it off if I can get away with it. Then that just builds up to knowing that I’m gonna mark the slut with my seed.”
“Especially love when I fuck raw at the bathhouse with someone and there was no talk about status or using condoms beforehand. Makes the situation that much hotter.”
And some more, from a thread entitled “Conversion parties”:
“I simply went to a bath house, that I used to come to on a regular basis and let someone, who told me he was poz, fuck me silly several times. He pumped my hole full of charge seed and fucked my hole raw and his cum came out pink, mixed with my blood. I had no doubt that I converted geting fucked by him and have never regretted it for a second”
“former chaser here I tried to do a conversion party ended up just finding a willing top. Will admit it was the best sex EVER. But also the over all experience is a serious ordeal, not to be taken lightly. After I converted a friend of mine told me he was chasing and we talked about for a long time. Just saying”
“I’m not necessarily looking to convert, but if it happens it happens.”
With the Bareback Brotherhood, Bentson seems to be successfully marketing a pathology: you can even buy black rubber BBBH wristbands to “show you’re a brother”.
Bentson dismisses as a myth that barebackers carry “disease or infection”, saying they are “more likely to honestly speak about their status and engage with their potential partners in open dialog comfortably because this is part of their daily lives.”
This seems at odds with both his own words and that of the BBBH users. It is all about the fuck. They don’t care about their health, so why should they care about yours?
This entire discussion would be somewhat moot in a world where HIV doesn’t exist. But it does.
In the end, we can only be responsible for our own personal choices. A key component of real intimacy is trust, and if you are going to have unprotected sex you need to be able to trust two people: the guy you’re having sex with, and yourself.
“I’ve never been delusional about how the world works as well. While lacking the literal fucking and breeding, I’ve been proverbially bent over and marked through my life in many ways. And I let it happen. Perhaps my own need to breed back is my response to how society decided to use my intelligence, creativity and good will.”
Are you really doing it because it feels good, or is there something deeper going on that you need to address, before you become indelibly marked for the rest of your life?
im a proud member of the brotherhood.. i am a bbtop and i take care of myself. i understand the risks of BB sex, however i and my partners choose NOT to be safe. There are alot of barebackers amoung mainstream safesex oriented sites, that of course are not honest about it….which is worse? bieng a grown man and try to be open about BB, or should i lie like the rest of them do?
Why should we be forced to choose between two undesirable options? There are people who are happy to drive drunk and would say they understand the risks of doing so, but I would not confer the label of ‘grown man’ upon them any more than someone who does it secretly and then manages to take out a carload of innocent people as a result of that decision.
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It isn’t just about HIV infcetion now though is it? As there’s significant evidence for Hep C infection, and growing, through barebacking adding salt into the wound of this modern nightmare.
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Just read your post. I have been fascinated about bbbh since seeing it mentioned on twitter, and didn’t really believe what it was at first. Interesting to learn about its origins. Thinking more about it recently, might have been some HIV related story that reminded me of the value in living free of it and the threat of illness that started it. But I wonder whether there is something here happening with the language or concept of ‘becoming positive’, if even only subliminally, like it is something to achieved. Of course too, there is the fear of being infected that causes stress and worry each time you have sex, regardless of whether you are safe or not. From what I have ready others say, I can appreciate how the freedom from rules and complying with being careful can be appealing. Particularly for those in the community not fully out and accepting of their identity. And the advancement in medicine has an unfortunate side affect of making it seem less of a deal to get HIV than before, when you died soon after. Another thought – given that there is not much to being gay for some people than who you want to have sex with, how do you bond or feel part of a community nowadays? Does being positive create a sense of joining with others? Or is that kind of what bbbh is doing in a way? This whole area would make an interesting research topic for someone.
here in the uk they can trace a persons dna through there hiv and crimminal charges will be brought mr benson would be charged with attempted murder and imprisoned .dear miss benson you say you were abused as a young girl well join the club so was i but i unlike you have had the guts to turn it around ie liveing a long healthy happy life is the best revenge .i should have been dead a long time ago from either drugs or aids but im still here and i have been so very lucky im still neg and i dont ever take that for granted now im of a certan age i saw hiv and aids the first time around saw wot happened..terrible and there are still days were i miss dear freinds…miss benson you go on about ..MEN..well than learn to be a man and all that it intails ie takeing responsability for yourself and others ,learn to love yourself learn to love your gay brother go and get some help ..its all gonna end badly for you if you dont ..go on mr benson be the man you so desperatly crave.dxxxxxxx
This dude is a twerpy dork who would be otherwise invisible in the gay community. He’s indulging in taboos, and trying to arouse controversy, which reflects negatively on the HIV + community. Being a bug chaser is one thing, but bragging about stealthing is just gross.
What really pisses me off, is that he’s paranoid, and claims that his website is under attack by groups that oppose his proclivities. I think he is just trying to flatter himself, or is demonstrating further histrionics. A lot of people blame sick and twisted activities on being abused as children. Fuck that. I’m still puzzled as to who would back their ass up to this dude in the first place, of ir anyone is letting him poke them at all.
I am HIV+ and I do have plenty of bareback sex.. with other poz guys.. I disclose, and also make sure I’m undetectable. There’s enough mistreatment towards HIV+ men in the gay community, mostly out of fear of people who may be stealthers, and this fucker is just making life difficult for guys who want to be treated equally.
I’m with Daniel. I wonder if someone who’d lost friends to HIV stepped up to Mr. Bentson, pulled out a gun, and shot him in the heart three times, if he would, in his last five or so seconds of consciousness, be surprised.
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Bentson talks often about being abused as a teenager yet can’t seem to add up his anger regarding this and his sexually destructive behaviour.
I’ve been HIV positive for 7 years and I actually encountered a real life “bug chaser” which seriously I thought were just rumors some sort of “mythology” within gay society. I placed an ad on a “gay poz4poz” dating site a few years back then about a few months later some guy replied he was interested in meeting me. Ok here we go – this guy lived in another state offered to ” pay” my flight only under the conditions I “seed” him with my ” toxic cum” ( ” ” his words). I questioned why in the hell he wanted this shit and his reply over and over was he wanted to ” belong to the HIV brotherhood.” I educated him that this doesn’t even exist but in his delusional thinking it did somewhere. The more I spoke to him the more I realized he wasn’t mentally stable for he eroticized this disease to the point of turning it to a fetish and not caring about life threatening consequences, costs, insurance or social/emotional impact. He just “wanted” to “belong.” Obviously I never followed thru but made me realize these guys do exist . Whether its loneliness, self loathe with self destruction, passive suicidal tendencies or mentall illness or even all the above is what’s behind it is a mystery.
I’ve been poz for 8 years… since I was 24..
I spent years living the party/bareback lifestyle to the fullest, and encountered countless bug chasers, which were the subject of scrutiny during the 2000′s…I wasn’t much of a fan of them, needless to say. A bit over a year ago, I saw the whole #BBBH thing become popular on twiitter. I didn’t think much of it at first, but right away, I saw that Mr. Bentson was applying rules, and formalities to the “group”, in a manner that reminded me of some sort of women’s book social.. it was a turnoff. The whole thing was really dorky to me, and I refused to participate. Later on, I noticed him going on in detail about stealthing, which I am of course, highly against. In my many years of hanging out with other sleazes, I’ve not encountered anyone who discussed engaging in such activity. I’ve seen the dude’s profiles online.. I’m surprised he gets laid at all, as he’s about as sexy as a couch cushion. I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that his “stories” are just that.. fiction…. regardless, bad vibes, for sure.
You know, I can’t say I agree with the extremes but I do get it. The sexualization of the forbidden is old as sex itself. One can spend hours discussing the hows and whys of it but comes down to choice.
Now, I’m not forgiving the steathers or those that lie or don’t disclose. That’s why they are criminal offences up here but if two men (or eight) men are consenting who am I to judge. Frankly if I wasn’t so afraid of getting ill I might even have joined it. I am not sure what it is about bareback sex but I just think it is the most stimulating and very intimate. Taking the fetish side off it for a moment one can see how the psyche could use the acts and the climax as a true exchange of something sacred therefore ever bonding you there after. I call can see how a brotherhood could arise because it’s not about spreading viruses it’s more a circling the wagons.
So, in short, I get it. I can see how these groups form and how they thrive. I will never forgive steathers or those that lie or don’t disclose. That’s why we charge them, if we catch them, with Attempted Murder here in Canada.
Great article. I’m not saying you have to agree or understand but you should see, for many, it’s a choice and not one for you or me to make for them.
Some guys that are into watersports experience similar feelings, but with urine being basically sterile there’s not much chance of you picking up anything, and certainly not HIV. That’s the main understanding blockage for me, as I mention in the post, this entire discussion would be moot in a world where HIV didn’t exist.
What would a responsible version of the Bareback Brotherhood look like? I’d say firstly it would look after the welfare of its members and have a page acknowledging the risks of HIV and STI infection and providing suggestions about ways of staying healthy if you choose to bareback, eg. regular testing for a start. And any talk relating to gifting or stealthing would be out of bounds.
That, to me, would be more like a brotherhood because it at least involves the notion of caring, rather than a narcissistic focus on self-pleasure and a denial of reality.
I have always preferred BB sex, I dont find that there is more of an intimacy to it. However saying that, I always tried to be as careful as I could. I would not do anonymous meets and never with someone who was positive. Saying that I know it is a risk, but it is a risk for 2 consenting adults to take and I did get tested on a regular basis.
I completely agree with Bentson about issues being suppressed when demonized and the BBBH has enabled me to have some very good discussions around the subject. However there are aspects of the community which I am disgusted with which you have mentioned. These being the stealthing and bug chasing. If I found someone had stealthed me firstly they wouldnt leave in one piece but secondly if I have been infected with something it is assault under British law. Chasing is a mindset that can never understand and even friends who I know that are positive are disgusted by the idea.
But doesn’t “I would not do anonymous meets and never with someone who was positive. Saying that I know it is a risk, but it is a risk for 2 consenting adults to take and I did get tested on a regular basis.”
contradict this ” if I have been infected with something it is assault under British law.”
Your saying the risk is OK, provided it’s consensual, but if you become infected, it’s the other guy’s fault?
Ok, I have no problems if two consenting adults don’t use a condom only if they both consent to it. Where I do have a problem is when:
“Truth is at least once a month, I slip off a condom or use one with a hole in it. Stealthing is what I do. It’s how I fuck. Funny, the little Latin fucker at the gloryholes downtown no longer bothers with a condom with me because he knows I’ll take it off. He tries to predict when I will cum to avoid my load, but he can never tell.”
This is a violation of another person just as bad as rape. You are no longer giving the other person a choice on their life.
I was infected by an HIV positive person who didn’t care. Currently I don’t have sex with negative people or positive people because I don’t know what infectious disease they may carry that might do me harm. Sex for me is lube and the tube. I’m fine with that. When love comes along (if love comes again) – we will have to do much negotiation.
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It is a fascinating issue, I’ve never really followed the BBBH as I have had no interest in it. I’ve just written my own thoughts on it on my own blog – in effect the debate comes down to an issue of respect. If both sides can respect each other you can have a debate, if not then it just turns into a slanging match.
I think there is a certain amount of glamorisation about Bareback sex, the well known barebacker Josh Landale reported of a change in attitudes towards him from within the BB ‘community’ once he publicly admitted to being HIV+. I think there is still a bit of rose-tinted glasses approach for some to the risks – people only really talk of the risk of HIV. It is also about a whole host of STI’s that can bugger you up!
It is a lot easier to ignore the dark side of some of our life decisions, and to take an Ostrich approach to them. Unfortunately the universe doesn’t work like that.
Can you post a link to your blog please, mate?
Of course – my post about it is here: http://wolvesperv.blogspot.co.uk/2012/06/bbbh.html
Part2, I wonder if you ask someone who’s rotting from the inside out on their deathbed if they would make the same decision. I have seen many patients like this and there is nothing sexy or natural about dying a slow miserable death…..
I have no words to describe how disgusted I am to be a part of the gay community where this is even a “thing”…….